Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
There aren’t enough good single men on the streets of New York City. It seems like that’s what everybody continues to tell us. When Deanna* relocated to the city at the end of 2021 She was the next to find out if there’s any truth to this assertion. Recently single after their boyfriend for 3 years split with her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time when a group on Facebook named Do You Dating the same Guy NYC became the recommended follow. The group included a strict survey prior to screening and guidelines for the community that served as a barrier for entry. It also had a membership of four-and-a-half million members strong. Deanna was interested, so she joined.
The community
The group – which began with the very specific intention of helping women check if their potential partners were dating others-was established in the month of March 2022. A majority of the major US city has a similar organization today and the rules for everyone are simple: Everyone has the right to be anonymous, not doxxing or releasing sensitive information and in no case can screenshots be taken away from the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting and no hate speech.At site https://datingfortodaysman.com/ from Our Articles Never let a man know that he’s seen on the list. Following the scandal in the wake of West Elm Caleb, one man with whom a number of women in New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots online, it seemed like a lot of women were searching to seek out others like him. As one TikTok user said when the incident occurred This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s the way this group was at the time Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common area for women seeking advice on their relationship or make a statement about the men with whom they’ve had negative dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is how they send out other women to entice them via social networks has also become more common. It’s all too easy to fall down a hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, stories of hookups that didn’t work, and a plethora of memes describing the pitfalls of modern-day dating. Many of the most popular posts are comprised of pictures of a guy with his first name, and asking the question of whether anyone has been matched to or been a date with the person the person in question. Red flag emojis are a common display on small but alarming posts advising the group of an ex-partner or a bad time, often accompanied with the downward arrow as well as the alarming words See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our options in recent years A recent study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples found their partner on the internet. So it makes sense that the romance element that involves social interaction is changing to the online age. Instead of chatting with few friends over a drink or venting with coworkers, we’re now seeking the counsel of 43,000 women who are going through similar and, in some cases exactly the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie,* another group member. Not to say that there’s not advantages, but it was certainly helpful for me to reframe my thinking about dating. There’s no competition against other girls, it’s instead holding men to a far higher quality than I did before.
It’s obvious to me that certain of the behaviors that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be an issue if displayed by potential suitors. Pictures, information about private conversations, and screenshots posted without the consent of another party or knowledge are plentiful. People look through social media profiles on a regular basis. It’s not difficult for a potential date to be called hot. Although Deanna likes being part of the group, she’s got a few reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she admits. But I think you are faced with the issue of it’s an echo chamber of ‘Men’s repeatedly pushed us for a long time, we’re going to do it right back.
We continue to live in a patriarchal society
It is an oppressive society. Until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will differ in the reverberations based upon the person’s history. Even so, can a group like this truly be committed to empowering itself on one side of the spectrum and an abominable to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? is hyperlocal and inter-personal-only for those who live and date in the city the group is located in. The women, as well as the people they talk about could be your next-door neighbor your coworker, friend family member, or even your most last Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization that is a result of operating on the internet, which makes the whole experience feel like a game. It’s not a stretch to argue that this can be considered as a snub to the dates involved in both groups. Particularly when the details of private chats, private messages, and even photos were shared without knowledge or consent, often for pure entertainment.
